what is it?
people walking around you. people you were so accustomed to meet every now often. people you wake up with. people you grow up with. people youre emotionally involved with. people. your people. cease to exist. just like that. without proper goodbyes. without any goodbye.
no its not just they who stop existing. its the whole world they were part of decides to show how things are so different without them. how theyll remain so different without them. because theyve stopped existing. disappeared. now the sky wont be as blue as it is supposed to be. now the birds no longer sing their morning songs but keep humming the elegies. now the sunset would lose its hues before even being noticed. now the world around you moves but in silence. in dead silence. you pass by several streets. and more streets. and you keep walking but you dont stop. because you cant stop. because you dont know how to stop. because those who walked you down the streets have disappeared. now you dont know how to stop.
how easy. within a blink of an eye. that easy. and people are gone. and you keep staring at this parting. questions. so many lurking around. full of remorse. regrets. keep pounding. was this really the parting. the letting go thing. or was it something to dwell and nurture inside of you. the separation. the final goodbye without any goodbye.
so how you cope with it then. knowing things would have been better. slightly. the last phone call. the last meeting. the last dinner. the last walk. the last laughter. the last prayer. the last argument. if only we knew they were the last. we should have known. we deserve to know.
no one deserves to die without their final goodbye. at least those left behind deserve to have their say. how theyre going to survive with heavy hearts then. how theyre going to move ahead then. their skies wont be same again. not even blue. their sunsets wont have any color. their birds wont even sing for them. because they were just a final goodbye away. and it made the separation way to distant to even imagine.
life. more unjust than death itself. death. turns everything at halt. stillness. around and within. void. life. it moves on. keeps moving on. death doesnt let you have your final goodbye. life. it doesnt give you enough time to mourn over your final goodbye. because life goes on. just for that very little moment you want life to stop for you but it doesnt.
how terrible it is to find that life goes on when you are being left behind. with your final goodbyes. sometimes all you want from to stop for a moment. everything. to freeze. to stay silent. to remain empty. emotionless. life. it must stop for some moments. for people like us to mourn. make amends. to settle dues. to let go. life must stop for us. and it pains me more when at my worst im reminded of being alive. life goes on ha. no. it shouldnt. it should have stopped. for me. for my tragedy. it shouldve mourned with me. it should have shed some tears with me. it. should. have.